Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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