I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
