We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
