Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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