There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
