there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
