I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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