I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
