they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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