its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
