We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
