Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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