I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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