Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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