I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
