the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
