; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
