i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
