I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
