Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
