Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
