just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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