guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
