How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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