You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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