Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
