how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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