just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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