6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
