Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
