is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
