So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
