i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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