I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
