why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
