Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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