yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
