I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
