I'm drive I can fine osifer
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
