dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
