tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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