If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
