Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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