Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
