My Higher Power is John Stamos
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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