Where did you get a picture of my penis
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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