Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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