first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
