someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think my moral compass just broke
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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