Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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