Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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