There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
