YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
