i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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