3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
