May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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