'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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