When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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