Do you still have your period?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
