yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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