There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
