how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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