Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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