So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
