the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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