Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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