You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
