Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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