Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
