dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Two words: nipple clamps
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