He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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