She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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