So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
