I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
