I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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