Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
MIDGETS
????
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
