I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ttyl tear gas
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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