and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
