fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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