What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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