he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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