just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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