Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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