i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
