just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
