I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
