i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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