Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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