Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
